


I'll Drown (When I See You Again)

by jishwaismyfren (orphan_account)



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Adultery, Angst, Anxiety, Blurryface, Cheating, Comfort, Depression, F/M, Gen, Heartbreak, Hurt, Infidelity, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm, what even are tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8899720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/jishwaismyfren
Summary: Tyler had it all. A successful band, a supportive best friend and an amazing wife. Everything was going right for once in his life. | But when Jenna decides to leave, everything falls apart, leaving Tyler to pick up the pieces. It doesn't take long for him to start to fall back into old, self-destructive habits. | Thankfully, there is Josh. And his best friend is not going to let him go down without a fight. He'll do anything to show Tyler how to feel again. |





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy my loves <3

To Tyler, being back home was the best feeling in the world. Familiar spaces, his own bed and foods that weren't processed or completely unidentifiable. Most of all, though, was the undistracted and genuine love that he could show his lovely wife, Jenna. He was so proud of her, yet even more so thankful that she put her whole life on hold to tag along on the first leg of their Emotional Roadshow World Tour. It seemed like ever since they first started dating, he was constantly on the road, but she was always so sweet about it. She even said she loved it.

And he loved her. Almost twenty-eight years old and he had never felt anything like this until he met her. It was almost too good to be true. He had to remind himself everyday that this was real. That he could hold her, kiss her, make love to her, be her best friend... possibly even become a father one day. God, he wanted that so bad.

Jenna wasn't the only important person in his life, though.

More than anything else, before she had even came into the picture, there was Josh. Joshua William Dun. The light to his eyes, the fire to his soul, his one true friend. No, 'true friend' didn't even describe it. Growing up, he had daydreamed and longed for the connection that him and Josh now had. They were blood brothers.

Josh was back in Los Angeles at the moment. Tyler would be lying if he said he didn't miss him. There was a constant dull, hollow ache in his heart as he wondered what he was doing, how he was feeling, whether he really missed too. According to Snapchat, he was with his local friends down there, having so much fun. Tyler was happy that his best friend was enjoying some fun and downtime, but at the same time, he couldn't ignore the nagging tug at his heart. Text messages and phone calls only went so far when there were over 2,000 miles between them.

Jenna was a good distraction though. Especially at times like these, as he laid next to her in bed, playing with her hair. “Whatcha thinking about, sweetie?” he asked, voice soft.

Jenna was on her phone, intently typing away. Tyler couldn't see who she was texting, but he just assumed it to be family or one of her girlfriends. “Nothing.” She swatted away Tyler's hand from her head, frowning. “Stop that.”

Tyler felt a slight sting in his heart at the smack. She usually loved it whenever he played with her hair. “Sorry,” he mumbled. Returning his hands to a fold across his chest, he let out a small sigh. This wasn't the first time that Jenna had acted annoyed with him this week. How he touched her, the questions he asked, the things he asked for opinions on, the requests for her to read his writing... every little thing seemed to be an instigator.

  
  


He didn't know what he was doing wrong. He tried his best not to be clingy or annoying or an anxious mess.

When he saw Jenna's lips turn up into a small smile at something she read on her phone, he was immediately intrigued. “Babe, what's so funny?” he asked.

A slightly panicked look appeared on Jenna's face as she turned her phone off and set it on the bedside table, away from Tyler's sight. “Nothing,” she huffed out. “Just talking to a friend.”

Tyler bit his lip, debating on whether to press the issue. “Jenna... Are you okay?”

Jenna turned over on her other side, away from Tyler. “I'm fine.” There was a brief pause before she continued speaking. “Actually, no, I'm not okay. I've been feeling sick lately.”

Tyler's eyebrows furrowed, concern evident on his face. “What's wrong?”

“I'm tired, I've been feeling nauseous and I've been peeing like crazy.” Jenna sighed. “This isn't normal.”

Tyler's response was a soft hum and a gentle 'I'm sorry' but inside, he was overjoyed. He didn't want to mention it to Jenna, but all the signs pointed to the fact that _this_ could actually be happening. “Hey, you know I'm always here for you, right?” he asked. “I'll do anything that helps you feel better.”

“I know. I appreciate it.”

Tyler kissed the top of her forehead. “Anything for you.”

Her facial expression softening, Jenna leaned up and kissed him, slow and soft. Her lips lingered by his for a few moments. “Do you want to... you know?”

Tyler smiled. “Always.”

Just as soon as the act was over with, Jenna was back on her phone again, as if it had never happened. The familiar pang in his heart returned as he turned over onto his side, a soft sigh leaving his lips. Closing his eyes, his mind drifted across miles and state lines to the only safe haven he had...

Josh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, much love <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy my loves <3

Friday was date night. So, naturally, Friday was Tyler's favorite day of the week.

 

The plan was to treat Jenna to one of her favorite restaurants, relax and find out whether she was pregnant or not. As far as Tyler knew, her period had still not come yet, so all of the signs pointed to the best.

 

Tyler sat in the bar stool by the counter, waiting for Jenna to finish getting ready. For her, dressing up to go out took more than a while, so he was surprised when he heard the familiar click of high heels against the hardwood floor, coming closer and closer.

 

A smile appeared on his face as his wife passed through the doorway, but the look quickly changed to one of confusion when he noticed the several bags on her arms and the sunglasses over her eyes.

 

“Jenna?” His voice came out soft.

 

“Tyler.” Her voice came out icy and bitter.

 

Jenna usually took one or two bags out with her, but not five.

 

Jenna only wore sunglasses on bright summer days. It was six o'clock at night in the middle of November.

 

“I'm leaving.”

 

“Leaving? But we're supposed to be--”

 

“I'm leaving _you,_ Tyler.”

 

Those words stopped him dead in his tracks. A wave of confusion and panic washing over him, he tried to speak, but found that he couldn't. A cessation of oxygen, he felt himself start to drown as Jenna continued to speak, though it all sounded like empty noise in his ears.

 

“There's someone else. I'm in love with him, Tyler. He actually makes me feel like I'm important. Unlike you. All you care about is your music and Josh. All that time spent on the road, playing concerts for your stupid fans and not _once_ did you think about how I felt and what I wanted to do. I just can't take it. I mean, come on Tyler, a Blurryface? Do you realize how idiotic that sounds as an artist?” She rolled her eyes. “I can't take the constant anxiety and doubt. And just... God, you're so clingy. I'm done. I can't do it”

 

Breath coming out in short, strained huffs, Tyler found his voice again. “H-How long has this been going on?”

 

“Since the start of the tour.” Jenna's eyes drifted to the ceiling. “Also, there's another thing. I'm pregnant.”

 

Tyler wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry.

 

“It's yours,” she continued. “But I'm not keeping it. I'm having an abortion tomorrow. I don't want anything to do with you or anything that's related to you.”

 

Tyler's look of confusion turned to one of despair, his voice coming out panicky and breathless. “Oh my gosh, Jenna, please don't do that to the baby. You can give me the baby and I'll take care of it, just please don't kill it, please...”

 

“I don't care. I've made up my mind.” Jenna's lips turned up into a smirk. “The divorce papers are on the bed. You'll be hearing from my lawyer soon.”

 

And with that, she turned on her heel and strutted out of the kitchen. It didn't take long to hear the door slam and the car start up before the sound and Jenna disappeared into the night.

 

Numbness. That was all that Tyler felt. A sort of tingling, burning feeling that started at the tips of his fingers and spread all over his body, leaving him a shaky, anxious mess.

 

It was jagged, it was harsh, it was asphyxiating.

 

Trembling lips breathed out a sigh, a sigh turned into a cry, a cry turned into a sob and sobbing turned into screaming. Yells ravaging his throat, he screamed and screamed until the walls closed in and everything faded to darkness.

 

Inside the pocket of a motionless body, a phone lit up and the sound of a cheery ringtone filled the air, the name 'Jishwa' seen through translucent fabric.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, much love <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy my loves <3

You didn’t have to tell Josh twice to drop everything to come and help his best friend. He didn’t know what for or what even was wrong; all he knew was that Tyler had called him up crying, the only words he could make out being ‘I need you here with me right now’ and ‘Please, I’m hurting.’ And that’s all it took for Josh to throw some stuff into a bag and board the next plane to Columbus.

After arriving, he anticipated having to find a cab or an Uber to take him to Tyler’s house. So, needless to say, he was surprised when he walked out of the terminal and saw such said man standing there.

Josh smiled a little as he walked up to him; it was so nice to see his best friend after weeks of being apart. But his smile quickly faded when he saw the sad expression on Tyler’s face, tears running down his cheeks.

“Tyler,” he breathed out. Dropping his bag to the ground, he took Tyler into his arms and tightly embraced him. Instantly, almost as if on cue, Tyler began to sob. It was thick, heavy and desperate; it broke Josh’s heart to see him crying like that.

“You’re here,” Tyler croaked out, in-between hiccups.

“Of course I am.” Josh stroked Tyler’s hair, holding his head to his shoulder, trying to block out all of the questions and concerns that were running through his mind. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

Tyler held his head up, looking at Josh with bloodshot, teary eyes. “It’s Jenna. S-She left me.”

Josh’s mouth fell agape. “She what? Oh my god… I don’t understand. I just saw you guys a month ago and everything was fine. Jeez, Tyler.” He breathed out a long sigh.

Tyler’s arms fell down from around Josh. “There’s someone else. It’s been going on for a while now, apparently.” He held his head down, almost as if in shame. “I’m not good enough for her, Josh. I’m not good enough for anyone.”

“Don’t you say that.” Josh grabbed Tyler’s face and held it up so that their focus was on each other. “Don’t you dare say that. You’re darn good enough for me, Tyler, and you always will be.”

Tyler’s fingers reached up to Josh’s hands, slowly peeling them off of his cheeks. “But it hurts so bad,” he murmured, his eyes closing as more tears spilled down his face.

“I know. God, I know.” Josh shook his head, wishing he had something more to tell his best friend to take away all of the hurt and make everything okay again.

Wiping at his nose with the back of his sleeve, Tyler forced a small smile. “Welcome back to Columbus, buddy. Sorry, this is such a crappy welcome home.”

Josh glanced around at the people, cars and commotion that surrounded him. “Nah, it’s okay. I see nothing’s changed, anyway.”

Tyler nodded, sniffling as he tried to compose himself. “My car is parked across the street in the garage.”

“That’s cool.” A knowing look appeared on Josh’s face. “Hey, I know where we can go.”

Tyler groaned. “I’ve already tried drowning myself in Taco Bell, Josh. I just threw it all up everywhere.”

Josh’s nose scrunched up. “Gross. No, but I wasn’t talking about Taco Bell.” _Though a burrito and a Baja Blast Freeze did sound pretty good after that plane ride._ “I was thinking more along the lines of going to the grocery store and getting some of that good, break-up comfort food type stuff. My treat.”

Tyler slowly started to nod again. “Yeah… Yeah, that’d be nice. Thanks.”

“Of course. Come on, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, much love <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost saved this one to my college's onedrive lmao oh lord  
> winter break finally aye  
> four weeks in and already 500% done with school
> 
> enjoy my loves <3

Tyler thought it was sweet of Josh to buy him a plethora of comfort food; chocolate, cake, ice cream, a pack of Red Bull and anything else that looked remotely appetizing. God knew how much all this stuff cost, but Josh wasn’t complaining, so Tyler wasn’t going to mention anything about it.

“I think we’re ready to check out, yeah?” Josh asked, peering into the cart.

Tyler nodded. He really didn’t feel like eating any of this stuff, he was still so sick to his stomach from grief, but he didn’t want to hurt his friend’s feelings. After all, he was the one who had made Josh fly across the country in the first place. It was the least he could do was be nice, right?

They got into line and started unloading their items onto the belt. Tyler felt a wave of dread wash over him when he saw that the cashier was the same older lady that always checked him and Jenna out when they stopped in each week for groceries.

He tried to open his mouth to say something to Josh, but his voice was stuck in his throat and Josh was already making such _sweet_ small talk with the lady. Keeping his head down, Tyler finished unloading the cart and then brushed past Josh, trying to remain unnoticed.

“Tyler, honey, is that you?”

Tyler could have screamed right at that very moment, but he swallowed his panic and managed the fakest smile in the history of mankind. “Oh, hi Ms. Glenda.”

She smiled back at him. “Fancy seeing you here today. Who is this handsome gentleman here with you?”

Tyler’s eyes flicked over to Josh. “This is my best friend, Josh. He’s visiting from California.”

An excited look appeared on her face. “Oh, splendid, welcome to Columbus, Josh.”

Josh engaged her in a conversation about how he had grown up in Columbus during the rest of the transaction. Tyler silently thanked him for taking the attention off of himself.

“You’re all set,” Ms. Glenda said as she handed Josh the receipt. “Oh, Tyler, please do tell that lovely wife of yours hello for me.”

Tyler froze, his vision going a bit blurry as the anxiety crept in on him. He didn’t feel himself run out of the store; the only thing he could feel was the cold air whipping his cheeks and the tears burning at the corner of his eyes.

Hissing expletives, Josh grabbed the bags and took off after Tyler. Reaching the car, he threw the groceries into the backseat, only to see Tyler curled into a ball in the passenger seat. “Ty.” Opening the driver’s side door, he got in the car and listened to the muffled sniffles coming from Tyler. “Are you ok?”

There was no response from Tyler, only trembling and rocking back and forth in the seat.

“Tyler.” Josh reached out to him, but then hesitated. “Can I touch you?”

Tyler held his head up a little, making brief eye contact with Josh, and nodded. When Josh started to rub his back, he felt like crying again. What had he done to deserve such a wonderful best friend?

After a few moments, Tyler uncurled himself and reached around to take Josh’s hand off of his back. Before he could say anything in response, he leaned over the console and wrapped his arms around his best friend in a tight hug. Burying his nose in his jacket, Tyler took in the familiar scent that never failed to make him feel safe, no matter how many times he smelled it.

Leaning his head on Josh’s shoulder, Tyler’s voice came out in a whisper. “I’m sorry for being such an embarrassment.”

Josh’s eyebrows furrowed. “Tyler, you’re not an embarrassment. What would ever give you that idea?”

“Jenna never liked the anxiety. She always told me it embarrassed her when I got anxious around her friends and family. I tried to fight it, but people scare me so much, Josh.”

Josh nodded. He understood more than Tyler would ever know. “Do I scare you?”

Tyler shook his head, looking up at Josh and meeting his gaze. “Never. You’re home to me,” he whispered. “I could have the biggest house, filled with all of the greatest stuff in the world. But that’s all it’d be to me, just a house. You’re my only true shelter.”

Josh could have started crying right then and there, but he bit back the tears. He had to be strong for Tyler. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, TyJo.” He swiped his thumb over Tyler’s cheek, wiping away any leftover drying tears. “I know it hurts a lot right now. It’s going to hurt for a while. But we’ll get you through this, ok? Even if I have to go beat up some people in the process.”

Tyler smiled and laughed, the first time in what seemed like forever. “Protective Jish.”

Josh smiled back, relieved to see some positive emotion from him. “I can’t help it. I have an important person to take care of.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glenda seemed like a nice old lady cashier name??  
> lmao shout out to you if your name is glenda  
> protective jish is life tbh
> 
> thanks for reading, much love <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short and angsty  
> kinda like me ha  
> I have a cat laying on my shoulder atm what has my life come to
> 
> enjoy my loves <3

Tyler’s house was quiet. Sure, Tyler had always been a relatively quiet person. But now, with so much anguish and sorrow lingering in the air, the silence seemed deafening.

So Josh tried to fill the hushed spaces with movies, Mario Kart and little conversations about this and that; hushed words about insignificant topics like the weather and what was happening in Columbus.

It would come in waves, though. Tyler would be just fine, listening to Josh talk or helping him make something in the kitchen, and then a familiar smell or a stray thought would cross his mind and then he’d be coming undone all over again. Crying and shaking, holding onto Josh and mumbling questions of crushing uncertainty, Tyler wondered if the pain would ever go away.

“What do you want to watch next?” Josh asked. Him and Tyler had just finished watching another one of Disney’s older animated films on Netflix. The classics never got old, and they were a good distraction.

“Anything is fine,” Tyler mumbled, his head laid on Josh’s thigh. His eyes were still puffy and red from the previous breakdown earlier in the evening, yet his face was calm. Almost too calm.

So Josh turned on the next movie queued in their Netflix list and laid his hand on Tyler’s head, gently stroking short strands. It didn’t take long for his mind to drift away from the movie as the exhaustion from the flight and distracting his best friend finally caught up with him.

Sweet, serene slumber…

\- - - - - - - - -

Josh woke with a start. He had just closed his eyes for a second and now jeez, the movie was already over and the room was quiet. Looking down at his thigh, he noticed that Tyler wasn’t there.

For a moment, Josh thought maybe he was just in the bathroom or the kitchen getting something to eat. But those were brief, sane thoughts, and Josh knew good and well that sanity was not on Tyler’s side at the moment. So he started to panic. Throwing doors opened and calling out his name, he searched around the entire downstairs area before making his way upstairs.

As Josh got to the top of the steps, the sound of music drifted into his ears. A piano, playing simple melodies over and over again. The noise led him to Tyler’s room, a cracked door and the air of anxiety separating him from the rest of the house.

Holding his breath, Josh slowly pushed the door open. “Tyler?” His voice came out soft, almost breathless. He desired to say more, but felt his lungs become overwhelmed with asphyxiation as Tyler’s music transitioned from basic melodies to several chords that he knew too well.

“ _I’m a goner, somebody catch my breath,_ ” Tyler sang out, voice coming out cracked and broken. “ _I’m a goner, somebody catch my breath._ ”

Josh tried to move, but found that he couldn’t. He was a part of the carpet now. His soul had left him.

“ _Don’t let me be gone_ ,” Tyler whispered over and over again.

Black paint staining his hands, Tyler left tiny smudges on the keys as he played. And the more that he played, the more his fingers trembled and the more his wrists tinged the black marks with drops of red. He kept playing even as Josh sobbed into the phone and tried to follow the operator’s instructions. He didn’t stop playing until his arms and hands were saturated and he started to lose consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I feel like I'll make a lot of people mad by saying I don't care for brendon urie but oh well.
> 
> thanks for reading, much love <3


End file.
